It is 11pm on a Thursday night and I am 2 hours late for my date with Ben. I loathe you Powerpoint. What are you good for really? I just want to make a simple, curved arrow and you can't even do that without trying to autoformat something.
Text communications to and fro read something like this:
Me: sorry im L8. Had 2 stay @ work. 4 the record, i had a cute dress pickd out.
Him: its ok. it will be more realistic. i now have 2 hrs tardiness credit.
Me: we could reschedule or have a really L8 date?
Him: but i spent 2 hrs on my hair. Want me 2 pick u up?
Ben picks me up from BART and we dig deep for darts and popcorn. I learn that aside from being a Kentucky native, he has invented something that will make cell phone batteries last longer. He's one of those guys that is not a hottie, not a super smooth, well-dressed, ladies man but extremely smart and witty and easy to be with. I picture this guy taking care of his lady and her not needing to lift a finger. We make out in his car until 2 in the morning then set a date for Sunday.
Fast forward to Sunday. He arrives to pick me up for our hiking date wearing jeans, a button-down shirt and a leather jacket and I'm wearing chacos and soccer shorts. Complete mismatch. I hop onto his motorbike and the metal is kinda melting my leg but it is so exciting. We zip through the hills and I clutch onto his waist for dear life. It feels really nice. We hike for two hours and talk about everything from using a thresher to harvest corn to what the Appalachian mountains look like. He says, "You ask a lot of questions."
I confess that I need a shower and invite him to have dinner at my house.
I cook, we eat, and we're sitting around my room while he scopes out my one-armed lobster painting, my 'love stinks' cross stitch sampler, my stop motion storyboards and my 'violent moments in soccer history enacted by puppets' photos. I tell him about getting slide tackled in pickup soccer and the subsequent knee surgery. I ask if he wants to get ice cream and he pauses. He exhales slowly and says,"Actually, I'm really tired. I think I'll go home." It is 7pm.
I ask if anything is wrong.
"(Pause) I'm really into girly girls and when I met you at that party, you were in a dress and heels and I assumed you were really feminine. Then you started in on the soccer talk and I kind of knew. And Thursday I was just really drunk."
"(Another pause, this time from me) No problem."
"You're taking this really well. Maybe we can hang out as friends sometime."
I shrug my shoulders and see him out. I should have seen this coming. While hiking, he confessed to a "cheerleader phase" in high school. After all, I'm no goddamn homecoming queen.
Too boyish to date
Posted by
bueller4prez
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Thursday, October 8
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Labels:
bad date,
ben,
cross stitch sampler,
girly girls,
homecoming queen,
kentucky,
love stinks,
one-armed lobster painting,
text
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3 comments:
I sense he may be really homophobic because it should not matter if the girl is "boyish" (aside from having a penis, i draw my line there), as long as she's cool and fun, then that's all that matters. Since when is soccer a masculine only sport? And have you seen the bodies of the women soccer players? Rawr... He subscribes to an outdated mindset. You're better off.
hahaha! My friend Ali said I should submit my story to this website, "Sorry mom, I bang the worst dudes."
And thank God you're no goddamn homecoming queen! Wouldn't have you any other way.
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